Honest Scrap

My wonderful friend, Becki, (this is not Becki in the picture, but rather my youngest daughter Jillian), whom I have never met in person, never spoken to on the phone, but met through The Christian Woman Blog, and who BLESSES me beyond belief, has "tagged" me to write down 10 honest things about me. OK, Becki, you got it girlfriend. Here goes:

1. I am a total idiot when it comes to computers. I mean it. I do not have the aptitude for them, and I have no patience for them. Yes, I have a B.A. in Journalism but my brain refuses to wrap itself around computers and I look with envy and longing at blogs like Becki's, (http://outoftheashesphotography.blogspot.com/) with all the cool music and photos and graphics, and I sighhhhhh.

2. I am still wondering what God's plan is for my life. Still. I am 51 years old, and still going to Him and saying, "What is it?" "Am I there yet?" I've always had this feeling deep down that God was going to knock my socks off--that I was going to do something really amazing for Him. This doesn't necessarily equate to fame. It just equates to my own personal barometer wherein I finally get that feeling and go ahhhh, now I get it. But I haven't gotten it yet, so I keep thinking I haven't done it yet.

3. This relates to number 2. I do feel that one of His plans was for me to be a mom, and that has been the most fantastic thing ever. I have been remarkably blessed with two wonderful, amazing daughters. Now that my oldest is 14, and she is an exceptional student and really involved in church, I can say unequivocally that it is due only in small part to my husband and I, and due in very large part to our amazing and glorious God. Honestly. I look at her, and think, wow, with all of our mistakes, we couldn't possibly take credit for how great she's doing.

4. This relates to number 2 as well. Even though I keep thinking I'm supposed to be doing something cool for God, I have a tendency to look at other people's lives--people who are completely content in simply living--and envy their content. I keep thinking I should be content and keep wondering, "Am I there yet?" My two best friends are like that--they have no big plans or dreams, and find joy in simple things day by day. I often wonder why I can't be like that.

5. My biggest dream has been to have a book published. Most of my friends know that, and most know that I have yet to do so. I am having one of the chapters of my book published in a well-known magazine, but that is as close as I've come. So far.

6. I am fairly anti-social, and getting more so with each passing year. I used to wonder why I didn't like parties even in my youth, and why now I shun the walks with the neighbor ladies. I have always been a one-on-one person, and still vastly enjoy those kind of visits with my close friends. In the last few years, I have made peace with the fact that I simply don't need or want a lot of people around me. I can spend whole days by myself and be perfectly content. (Thank goodness for school days. I love my children, but I love my quiet time, too.) I figure by the time I'm 60, I'll be an out-and-out hermit.

7. My anti-social nature does not apply to my relationship with Jesus. We have constant conversations. I am madly, hopelessly, profoundly in love with Him.

8. If there is a byword for my life, I believe it would be "faith," because that is what God continues to teach me. I keep thinking I've passed the test, but as soon as I pass that test (apparently not with flying colors), along comes another huge test. If there is a second byword for my life, it would be "resilience."

9. Relating to number 8, I never, EVER, thought my life would turn out like this. I grew up on Disney's fairy tales, and thought I'd end up with a modern-day version of that. But nooooo. It has been quite a wild ride, with a lot of pain and tragedy. But I have seen God's hand in every part of it, and He has pulled me out of a number of pits and set me on the rock that is higher than I.

10. I am wildly blessed by my friends and my children. During the months before my recent separation, and even now, I have been astounded by the number of friends I have (even as anti-social as I am), and by their love and faithfulness and encouragement. They have absolutely blown me away.

So, there you go, Becki.